Swagga Like Sean Penn: His Biggest Screwups

Dear Sean Penn,

You reportedly had words with ex-wife Robin Wright’s current squeeze, Hurt Locker producer Greg Shapiro, according to E! gossip Marc Malkin. Although your rep denies a controntation, Malkin cites sources as saying you had been banned from the post-Oscars Governor’s Ball.

What gives, Sean? Your talent is without doubt — we loved Milk and your directorial tour-de-force Into The Wild — but that is not enough to erase your personal history of sparking drama at inappropriate times. Clearly, you haven’t learned from your past behavior. Let’s list some, shall we?

• Filing for divorce from Robin Wright for a second time and then changing your mind.
• Reportedly hooking up with Natalie Portman as his marriage unraveled; her rep fervently denied this, but we would not put it past Sean to attempt to get with NatPort (the end-all, be-all for all men, apparently).
• Wishing critics of his humanitarian efforts in Haiti to die “screaming of rectal cancer.”
• Serving jail time for assaulting a photographer.
• Breaking up with Robin Wright and briefly dating model-arm candy Petra Nemcova.
• Forgetting to thank Robin Wright in his best-Oscar acceptance speech for Milk.
• Being otherwise awesome.

We repeat this list as a reminder to channel your flair for dramz into what you do best: acting, directing and attempting to save the world.

Take care–and talk soon!

Crushable

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